someone asked me today what beatles album is my favorite and he probably didn’t expect me to hyperventilate trying to decide but that’s what he got
“Ah, Perry the platypus!”
“What an unexpected -“
“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!”
“You’re trapped!”
“By societal convention!”
“Look! We’re in a fine dining environment. Everyone knows not to throw a scene in a fancy restaurant!”
“That’s right. You’re trapped. Sit down.”
This show is fucking brilliant.
If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and I’m hallucinating plot points I haven’t written yet
Roger Taylor [Queen] being sexy, flexing, and being so fucking adorable :’D
i cant
Let’s not forget John in the first one.
Whenever I get period cramps
I have never seen something so accurate in all my life…
do periods really hurt? In 5th grade sex ed, we learned that it didn’t hurt.
Did that teacher get fired?
I feel like that teacher should get murdered
Hmm, I can only WONDER what was that teacher’s biological sex was
how to give a good handjob
- bop it
- pull it
- twist it
- harder
- better
- faster
- stronger
You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!Cha cha real smooth
none of you ever touch a penis
fangirl challenge: [3/12] actors » benedict cumberbatch
I don’t know about being the sexiest man in the world. I am barely the sexiest man in my flat and I’m the only guy living there.
A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife then called the police, and the police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis: the wife claims she was asleep, the cook was cooking breakfast, the gardener was picking vegetables, the maid was getting the mail and the butler was cleaning the closet. The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it?
